Infernal Fanfictional Characters
by MortalShadowhunter
Summary: What if Tessa met the Fanfiction version of the Infernal Devices characters? Sure, I might have exaggerated how the people portray the characters as, but oh well. There are sparkly cats, beach parties, and banana leafs. What went wrong? No flames because this is just a joke.


And there was Will...again, punching the living shit out of Gabriel.

"William! Stop it!" Cecily cried, wrenching her brother off her future fiancé. Will grumbled something under his breath, snarling at Gabriel and clenching his hands into fists. Tessa sighed, walking past the scene with a book in her hand. Normally, she would be infuriatingly curious as to what had sparked such an argument, but the fights between Gabriel and Will had become so common that they were no longer intriguing.

However, Will tore away from Cecily and darted to Tessa, 'casually' walking by her side. "What book have you acquired, Tessa?"

"Oh, just _Great Expectations_." Tessa sighed, pressing the book to her chest. She smiled inwardly at Will's sideways glance. "The library does have hidden treasures. I didn't expect to find it there."

"There are many things one can find in the library." Will said softly, a sultry tone to his voice. "But there are also many fascinating endeavors one can accomplish in the bedroom as well."

Tessa froze, horrified. Will was never this blunt. Turning towards him, Tessa put one hand on her hip. "Mr. Herondale! That is no way to speak to a lady."

Will grinned, his roving eyes making her feel uncomfortable. "We have no time to be proper. We could," he glanced towards the hall, "find more interesting things to do elsewhere if you wish." He put his hand at her waist, tilting her head up. However, Tessa pushed him away, blushing a deep scarlet at his blatant question for sex.

"William!" Tessa cried, fuming and embarrassed. "Certainly you have duties elsewhere-"

"Will! I was looking for you." Jem said, walking into the room with them. He smiled sheepishly at Tessa before moving to his parabatai, clicking his tongue in disappointment. "Your tie is crooked again...And you left all your filthy weapons in my room."

Grinning even wider, Will slung his arm over Jem's shoulder. "That's not the only filthy things that happen in bedrooms. So, Jem, about last night-"

Jem coughed. "I have no idea what you are talking about. You're my parabatai, for Raziel's sake."

Tessa cringed. "What in the good heavens are you two talking about?" She looked at Jem and Will, confused. _They are acting most peculiar. _"I'm simply walking down the hallway when Will starts acting like a lunatic and starts saying the most obscene things. James, has he gotten into the faerie stocks and stolen the food again? He's really quite irritating and idiotic."

"My dear Tessa," Jem says, kneeling down and bowing, "I am most sorry to hear that William has wronged you. You are the most extraordinarily, beautiful girl anyone could ever have the pleasure of knowing so I, your lowly comrade, ask for your forgiveness and beg that you will still allow me to live. Will's wrongs are my wrongs as well so I shall take the blame. If it suits you, I shall...Oh dear, I'm just rambling on and on, aren't I?"

"A simple answer would have sufficed." Tessa squeaked, her eyes wide.

Jem looked up, his silver eyes enormous. "May I be allowed to live?" Jem asked in all seriousness.

"Honestly, Jem." Tessa furrowed her eyebrows, tucking a curl behind her ear. "Not you as well."

Will glared at no one in particular, a scowl forming on his face. "The ducks are coming to get me. They have evolved!"

Hurrying over to her brother, Cecily crossed her arms and huffed at Will. "You are the biggest idiot that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Its quite a pity you are my brother because you're acting like a complete fool!"

"Someone understands." Tessa pointed out, looking gratefully at Cecily.

"OMG TESSA!" Cecily squealed, running over to Tessa and hugging her. "I FOUND THE _CUTEST _PETTICOAT TODAY THAT HAS HIDDEN POCKETS THAT CAN STORE WEAPONS!"

"...Cecily..." Tessa raised an eyebrow. "For starters, I haven't the slightest clue what oh em jee means and I never remember you being that excited about clothes. I thought that was Jessamine."

Jessamine stuck her tongue out before preceding to plop into a chair and stick her bottom lip out. "Screw my life. BUT I LOVE MY NEW DRESS. Go die in a hole. I LOVE NATHANIAL GRAY AND HE LOVES ME. You damned beasts."

Backing away from all of them, Tessa held the book in front of her, a flash of fear on her face. "You all are definitely under the influence of some drug-" Jem made a choking sound, an offended look on his face. Hunching his shoulders, he turned around, his silvery eyes dark. Tessa swallowed. "Jem! I..." Her heart twisted with guilt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"No. It's okay." Jem whispered, his fingers wrapping around Will's wrist. "You're right. Something does seem strange."

"It's my fault." Tessa said, lowering her book. She sighed. "I guess just being stuck in the Institute is starting to take it's toll. I need to go on a break and go out-"

"BEACH PARTY!" Cecily shouted, pulling leis from God-knows-where and putting them around everyone's neck. Tessa suddenly felt herself being lifted bridal style by Will and Jem fanning her with a banana leaf.

Carrying her while chanting "feed the ducks," and "beach party," Will giggled all the way down the hall. "Tessa! I'm gorgeous! Tessa! I'm hot! Tessa! I'm FREAKING HANDSOME!"

"We know that, Will. You've said that many times before." Tessa sighed, slumping in his arms with a resigned look on her face. Then, out of no where, Magnus came into the Institute with only a sequined suit jacket and his underwear on. Reaching into his pocket, he threw a handful of glitter out above Tessa, Will, and Jem, the entire Institute looking like it had vomited sparkles. In his other hand, he carried a cat, ignoring the terrified screaming that omitted from it's mouth. Looking at Magnus in surprise, Tessa struggled to grab him. "Magnus! Get me out of here!"

"Oh, my darling Tessa." Magnus drawled, his cat eyes blinking lazily at her. "Allow me to clean up this mess." Twirling his hand, the leis and the banana leaf that Jem was holding vanished, along with the glitter he had just dropped. Cecily, a blue sheen to the whites of her eyes, walked out robotically, controlled by whatever Magnus was doing to her. Jessamine followed shortly, her mouth in a surprised O.

"Will, you can set me down, now." Tessa ordered and, to her surprise, he bent down so her feet were touching the floor. Standing beside each other, Jem and Will exchanged confused glances, their gazes wavering as if they were dizzy. "Thank you, Magnus." Tessa grumbled. "Whatever happened to them?"

"Ahh, my head." Jem groaned, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead. "What happened?"

"The last thing I remember," Will said, his voice clearly pained, "were a throng of girls attacking us asking for me to kiss them."

"Funny," Jem grimaced, "I remember them saying the same thing."

"What happened to them?" Tessa repeated, turning to Magnus.

Suddenly, Magnus's features turned grim, a look of horror passing through his eyes. Biting his bottom lip, Magnus forced back a strained cry of terror. "I've seen these effects before. They are more dangerous than any drug, and more sinister than any curse...They are more deadly than demons, they are the princesses and princes of Hell!" He paused, looking Tessa straight in the eye. "I know what affected them. I know why they went nuts. I know why they _all_ went nuts."

Tessa gave him a puzzled look. "What affected them?"

Magnus looked at them all with fear. "The fangirls."


End file.
